PARAPROSDOKIANS…

Winston Churchill loved figures of speech (Paraprosdokians) where the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; and frequently humorous. Here are some examples.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right; only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is knowing not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

12. When filling out an application,where it says, ‘In case of emergency,notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

15. If you ate pasta and antipasta a the same time, would you still be hungry?

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. Don’t argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.